The following is an essay i wrote for school and i thought it would make a good blog entry. I also ask for prayer about the issues i write about in this essay!
Rebecca Heckenbach
August 27, 2008
English Composition
Prof. Pickens
To avoid reality is to want to escape what is really going on in the world and to want to almost live in a made up or un-realistic scenario. One way I am guilty of doing this is by having severe OCD, which has caused me not to want to sleep in my room for now over a year and a half, I have to have a perfectly organized and clean purse at all times, and at home I have to have all material things my way at all times.
I started realizing I have a bad case of OCD the spring 2007 of my senior year of High School. I first realized I had a problem when I took a literal two hours to make my bed. I had and still do have to have it absolutely perfect, no winkles, no specks of dirt, and pulled as tight and smooth as can be! Then I realized in my silly mind that if I made it perfect then why mess it up again and spend two hours making it every day?! So there for I decided not to sleep in my bed and mess it up or even sit on or near it and mess it up! Then the OCD escalated to the point of me not even sleeping or going into my room at all. I used to sit outside my room almost 24/7 to make sure it stayed just the way I wanted it.
I since I have stopped doing that but I still have not been able to get my self to sleep or go near my bed. I have however, meet with pastors, mentors, and good friends about the OCD and have tried to work on the issue of not sleeping in my bed. In case you can’t tell the “Bed Issues” as my friends know call it is taking a big toll on me and my family. I sought out help however, to help me to over conquer and over come this issue but sadly, I think satan has a strong hold on this but I do know for sure is Jesus Christ is lord and is in control of my life. I need to let go of what ever it is that is keeping me from sleeping and going in my room and start living again. It most certainly has NOT been easy for me but God never said life would be easy!
Another part of my OCD is my purse. This has been practically a life long personal battle. It has been affecting me since grade elementary school and possibly before. I not only have a bad addiction (yes I said addiction!) to purses, but I also need then to be absolutely the way I need them at all times inside and out. I can be in the middle of the mall or even in the middle of a class and you can find me re-organizing or obsessing over my purse. Lately its gotten to the point to which I have been staying up till one or two in the morning alternating purses and trying to deicide which one to use for the next day!
I remember about a week ago I was up till 3 in the morning sitting on the floor in my room(yes, I said in my room!) trying to deicide between my twenty different purses, which one I should use. When just 3 hours before this whole scene in my room, I was telling my mom how much I was in love with the purse I was using at the time. I had all my purses and bag’s all laid out in front of me and I quickly found myself incredibly overwhelmed with anxiety as I tried out every purse and got it organized how I wanted it then I would deicide I wasn’t happy with it. So I would move on an repeat the same process over until I had tried out each purse. Then I would realize I was perfectly happy with the one I was so madly in love with 3 hours before all the mess on my room floor that I “Say” I like to keep clean. The silly thing is that this happens about twice every two weeks.
It was two days later that I went out and sure enough bought two more purses which now makes twenty two. I do realize that I’m possibly trying to fill a void or avoid something by using purses to do that but I have yet to figure it out. But this I do know, That like in all aspects of my life and yours, God is in control and I need to allow myself to fully trust and rely on Him and His mighty power. Unlike the OCD with my room I have not sought out help with this other then from God, I guess cause I don’t think its as major of an issue as me not going and sleeping in my bed. But “trough Christ all things are possible!”
By this point you’re probably thinking I’m a nut case. But believe it or not there’s even more!
Another way I fell like I escape reality is one I did not mention in my opening paragraph. I think I did so for a reason. I have extreme anxiety. About pretty much all aspects of my life. From family , to death, My spiritual life, school, and basically and quite literally a novel full of things. I realize that anxiety is not from Christ and He says to cast all your fears and burdens on Him and He is in control. That is what keeps me going everyday is the hope that I have in Christ.
I remember several times when I let my anxiety get the best of me but this time stands out the most to me at this moment in time. I have this incredible lady in my life who is my mentor. And two summers ago I was having a pretty bad fear and anxiety attack so I thought id might give her a call. Well, one call turned into literally twenty calls in one hour! And that was only one day, this went on for about 4 days. On the fourth day she picked up the phone and said something ill never forget, she said this “Rebecca, I love you, God loves you, and He is in control!” then she hung up the phone and I could not help but think to myself at the time “That’s it? That’s all she has to say?” Little did I realize, those words I have heard so many times before would change my whole outlook on what was going on at the time and would calm my heart and my anxiety at the time! I guess the point to my story is this, I need to truly cast my anxiety on Him and let Him control my life instead of me wanting to be in control.
I have my share of issues and ways of avoiding reality and I’m sure you do too. I’m not trying to say mine are more extreme then yours, nor an I trying to go on a pity party. But for me, these things I have mentioned in this essay are things I still very much struggle with today. The may seem silly to someone else but to me they are huge things in my life that I need to overcome. We all have things going on in are life’s, and they are almost as different as we are. Ultimately it comes down to the fact that we need to trust in Him forever and always.
We all need to face reality at some point in are lives. We can only do it though With Christ in our lives. Otherwise the reality would be way to overwhelming and could bring us down. Some people would argue that to live in Christ is NOT reality, I beg to differ. I think we can only face reality with Christ.
Reality is part of life, but with HIM all things are possible and to runaway from life is to not fully live in HIM.
Rebecca Heckenbach
August 27, 2008
English Composition
Prof. Pickens
To avoid reality is to want to escape what is really going on in the world and to want to almost live in a made up or un-realistic scenario. One way I am guilty of doing this is by having severe OCD, which has caused me not to want to sleep in my room for now over a year and a half, I have to have a perfectly organized and clean purse at all times, and at home I have to have all material things my way at all times.
I started realizing I have a bad case of OCD the spring 2007 of my senior year of High School. I first realized I had a problem when I took a literal two hours to make my bed. I had and still do have to have it absolutely perfect, no winkles, no specks of dirt, and pulled as tight and smooth as can be! Then I realized in my silly mind that if I made it perfect then why mess it up again and spend two hours making it every day?! So there for I decided not to sleep in my bed and mess it up or even sit on or near it and mess it up! Then the OCD escalated to the point of me not even sleeping or going into my room at all. I used to sit outside my room almost 24/7 to make sure it stayed just the way I wanted it.
I since I have stopped doing that but I still have not been able to get my self to sleep or go near my bed. I have however, meet with pastors, mentors, and good friends about the OCD and have tried to work on the issue of not sleeping in my bed. In case you can’t tell the “Bed Issues” as my friends know call it is taking a big toll on me and my family. I sought out help however, to help me to over conquer and over come this issue but sadly, I think satan has a strong hold on this but I do know for sure is Jesus Christ is lord and is in control of my life. I need to let go of what ever it is that is keeping me from sleeping and going in my room and start living again. It most certainly has NOT been easy for me but God never said life would be easy!
Another part of my OCD is my purse. This has been practically a life long personal battle. It has been affecting me since grade elementary school and possibly before. I not only have a bad addiction (yes I said addiction!) to purses, but I also need then to be absolutely the way I need them at all times inside and out. I can be in the middle of the mall or even in the middle of a class and you can find me re-organizing or obsessing over my purse. Lately its gotten to the point to which I have been staying up till one or two in the morning alternating purses and trying to deicide which one to use for the next day!
I remember about a week ago I was up till 3 in the morning sitting on the floor in my room(yes, I said in my room!) trying to deicide between my twenty different purses, which one I should use. When just 3 hours before this whole scene in my room, I was telling my mom how much I was in love with the purse I was using at the time. I had all my purses and bag’s all laid out in front of me and I quickly found myself incredibly overwhelmed with anxiety as I tried out every purse and got it organized how I wanted it then I would deicide I wasn’t happy with it. So I would move on an repeat the same process over until I had tried out each purse. Then I would realize I was perfectly happy with the one I was so madly in love with 3 hours before all the mess on my room floor that I “Say” I like to keep clean. The silly thing is that this happens about twice every two weeks.
It was two days later that I went out and sure enough bought two more purses which now makes twenty two. I do realize that I’m possibly trying to fill a void or avoid something by using purses to do that but I have yet to figure it out. But this I do know, That like in all aspects of my life and yours, God is in control and I need to allow myself to fully trust and rely on Him and His mighty power. Unlike the OCD with my room I have not sought out help with this other then from God, I guess cause I don’t think its as major of an issue as me not going and sleeping in my bed. But “trough Christ all things are possible!”
By this point you’re probably thinking I’m a nut case. But believe it or not there’s even more!
Another way I fell like I escape reality is one I did not mention in my opening paragraph. I think I did so for a reason. I have extreme anxiety. About pretty much all aspects of my life. From family , to death, My spiritual life, school, and basically and quite literally a novel full of things. I realize that anxiety is not from Christ and He says to cast all your fears and burdens on Him and He is in control. That is what keeps me going everyday is the hope that I have in Christ.
I remember several times when I let my anxiety get the best of me but this time stands out the most to me at this moment in time. I have this incredible lady in my life who is my mentor. And two summers ago I was having a pretty bad fear and anxiety attack so I thought id might give her a call. Well, one call turned into literally twenty calls in one hour! And that was only one day, this went on for about 4 days. On the fourth day she picked up the phone and said something ill never forget, she said this “Rebecca, I love you, God loves you, and He is in control!” then she hung up the phone and I could not help but think to myself at the time “That’s it? That’s all she has to say?” Little did I realize, those words I have heard so many times before would change my whole outlook on what was going on at the time and would calm my heart and my anxiety at the time! I guess the point to my story is this, I need to truly cast my anxiety on Him and let Him control my life instead of me wanting to be in control.
I have my share of issues and ways of avoiding reality and I’m sure you do too. I’m not trying to say mine are more extreme then yours, nor an I trying to go on a pity party. But for me, these things I have mentioned in this essay are things I still very much struggle with today. The may seem silly to someone else but to me they are huge things in my life that I need to overcome. We all have things going on in are life’s, and they are almost as different as we are. Ultimately it comes down to the fact that we need to trust in Him forever and always.
We all need to face reality at some point in are lives. We can only do it though With Christ in our lives. Otherwise the reality would be way to overwhelming and could bring us down. Some people would argue that to live in Christ is NOT reality, I beg to differ. I think we can only face reality with Christ.
Reality is part of life, but with HIM all things are possible and to runaway from life is to not fully live in HIM.
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