Why?

Ok, so i know im always telling my friends that looks dont matter,i dont care about having a boy friend, to love Jesus whith everything,i dont care about how i look, and so on and so on! but truth is i do care about all that stuff! i do care about my looks,boyfriends,ect! i almost fell like a liar to be honest! im always telling poeple that thoes things dont matter but ultimately Christ is what matters which is 100% true but i guess what im trying to say is im struglleing whith finding a balence between theses things! its hard beacause the imprisson poeple have of me is i dont care about it when i so stkin do! i keep telling poeple i dont care and i do i do i do! but i want Christ! I want to continue to fall head over heals in love whith Him but the humman side of me not only wants to be in love whith Christ but wants earthly true love! rrrrrrr!!! :(