My Heart

(Wrote this about a month ago, but it still apllies for sure!!)

My heart and mind have gone in so many different directions the last few weeks and even months now.  God has been teaching me so much!  He has grown souch a deep desire in me to truly recklessly LOVE Him!  But not just Him, but others as well!  I have always had a strong desire to love those around me and to be loved, yes this is a good thing, but it has also been a very hard thing in my life!  Let me explain!  I am extremly blessed and loved by those around me, but i have also found it very easy to forget how loved i am.  Its been a wrestileing match for me the last few weeks.  It kind of goes along with a previous post i wrote a few weeks ago, i have been doubting the person i am and who i am in Him wich is preventing me from fully beliving Him and others when the affirm me.  Now dont miss understand this post....im not "fishing for complaments" im simply saying what has been on my heart.  Hear me when i say this...I KNOW how much those around me love me, i know how much my Lord loves me, im saying it is easy to forget somtimes!  If you are always comparing yourself to others it will steal the joy and life right out of you and your relationships.  I have seen this in my own life recently.  This has prevented me from being able to truly love and fell loved.  I do not want to stay in this place.  I want to move to a place where i can freely love others and be loved, where i am confiednt in who i am.  The last few days and weekes i have had some amazing conversastions with a friend about this, and one thing the lord keeps reminding me of over and over is how loved i realy am and how much i love those God has put in my life!  I want to love with everything in me.  I want to affirm those around me.  i want to build them up in there faith!  Like so many have done in my life!  Some of what has been encurageing to me the last few weeks and i pray encurage you, are Psalm 139, He knew you befor you were born!  You are the apple of His eye!  You are perfect in His eye!  Remeber these words!!  These tuths!  Now though, my question is....why do we tend to dubt these truths?  why do we tend to dubt when poeple say they love us and affirm us?  Be honest....you know you have been there!  I am honestly in the middle of figuiring this out for my self.  But one thing ive learned is this dubt is not from the lord!  Its the enemy!!  We CAN NOT let the enemy have victory over us!  The enemy wants us to doubt who we are and how much we are loved!  But we can not allow ourselves to fall into that trap....that mindset.  I know, ive been there off and on latly.  This mind set will prevent us from being able to eperince Christ love for us, and the love of others, as well as being abl to give love!  Christ does not want us to get stuck in this place of doubt, he wants to see us set free from it....He wants to see me set free from it!  Yes, i put alot of emphases on being loved by others and loving them....and thats because it is somthing i am deeply pasionate about, but ultimately ALL that matters is the love of Christ and who we are in Him!  We need to find peace in knowing that He is crazy about us!  There is NOTHING we can do to ever change His love for us!  Now ill be honst with you, its easy for me to type these words, but it does not change the fact that it is still a struggle.  But we CAN get to a place to where we CAN freely live in this truth, where we can freely love and be loved!  We need to fight!  The doubt, the comparring...all the negative is not from Christ!  We most pray, seek Him frist!  Make sure He is the center of your life!!  THEN you will be able to freely love and be loved!  Lord, my prayer is to reacklessly love!!  YOU! and others in my life Lord!  I love hard!  Thats how you have created me!  Protect my heart, protect my mind!  Help me to freely love and be loved!  Most importantly Lord, help me to believe YOU when you say i am loved by You!  Help me to be able to believe others when they say they love me!  My prayer for you my friends is that this note(that i have written at 2 20 am) encurages you!  i pray it encurages me!!  i pray it serves as a reminder!  i pray that this note honors our Lord!  As my mom always says, guard your heart, but that does not mean dont love and be loved, it means be careful!!  God loves you!!  I love you!!!  Ultimately though, all that matters is that Christ loves you!( i pray i remeber this when my mind gets the best of me!)